Wednesday, 10 July 2019

Semester 1 Done, Here We Go Semester 2

Semester 1 of my study is done, with it being very full on combined with working as well. Though I am loving everything that I've been learning and of course I love my work. With study being full on, at first I questioned what the hell did I just get myself into?, what have I done?, can I do this? and the wash of uncomfortability and fear came over me and stayed. I've had to sit with both of those through out the semester but I also know that this is growth and that all of this is a huge growing period for me. I've had wins and proud moments and I've had moments of pure frustration and also feelings of nausea while I check my grades... ha! (Remember a pass is a pass and it is okay if it is sometimes lower. Life happens, struggle happens and most of all none of it should determine your self worth-A message I am still learning and have to keep reminding myself of). 

With the share amount of assignments that were lined up and all of us students feeling rather overwhelmed at the thought of trying to get these all completed and in on time one of my tutors shared with us the phrase "Focus on the now", that essentially if you focus too much in the future of what needs to be done it is going to negatively impact you. That very message I have written on my study plan white board as a reminder to do what needs to be done today and the rest can wait. 

Here we go semester 2! 🎢.

With hope and love
Rainbow 🌈🌠💖

Tuesday, 2 July 2019

First Half 2019 Monthly Favourites Galore

With hope and love
Rainbow 🌈🌠💖

Wednesday, 17 April 2019

Lavender Forest

💜🌳💜Amongst a lavender forest she roams with her companion of a white horse that goes by the name of Lucien with hair that is coarse and strands that are braided roughly down his mane that have seen far better days as has the rest of his mudded up fur. Her own hair is that of the colour of what she sees around and beneath her friends hooves and is in a spiritual flow just like that of the long golden dress she wears which his full of holes and her face marked with scars. If you look close enough you'll see the dried glistening glow that resides on her cheeks that tell a story entirely of their own. 

Capturing the many tiny creatures that live within the enchanted haven that they've come to venture into both their eyes dart around as the late morning sun beams peaking through leaves on the high tree tops casting dynamic light on the forest floor. They come to a stop as she strokes Lucien's mane and they stare out into the distance. An emptiness and exhaustion resides in them both and she wonders what is to be and come next?. For a long time only the sounds of the forest answer. She continues to listen but with each passing moment with increasing intent which leads her to hear giggles and play that is near. It is close enough it doesn't completely elude her ears however she can tell it is very far out of their sight so much so she questions if her ears are playing tricks on her though she believes it isn't so, so she quietly remarks to Lucien "Hear that Luc?", the fluffy pointy ears of her beloved twitch and readjust and in a matter of a few seconds she hears it again. Lucien lets out a neigh affirming her beliefs. In that moment she is thankful to hear and notice the such for it makes her smile and it reminds her that she herself is a child...that of the earth and of the sky... something she had forgotten so very long ago.

Staying still they begin to look around again however more slowly and in utter astonishment, every so often she pauses to observe and fully take in the moment that is while listening attentively and with joy. A sense of gratitude washes over her so deeply that she comes to understand that a simple life is not a bad one as the extraordinary resides within the ordinary... like the courage to be and remain who we are and the undeniable connection and small moments of beauty to that and those around us. She closes her eyes and rests her head on Lucien's and stokes his face embracing all the warmth she has been so desperate to find letting time swirl around her and escape. Gently she sits back up with her eyes remaining closed and takes a deep breath in, letting her nostrils fill with the heavenly aroma of her surroundings and then slowly breathes out  releasing and realising what has come to pass. She gradually opens her eyes knowing that Lucien and her are home.💜🌳💜

With hope and love
Rainbow 🌈🌠💖

Friday, 22 March 2019

Early Days...

It's early days in my studies of counselling that I've recently started, in which we had a student counsellor come into one of our classes and give us the run down on stress and noted that C's get degrees. While some may not think that, that is an appropriate piece of knowledge to tell students or is giving them an easy way out. It helps for those of us who are hard on ourselves and deal with the "not good enough", "perfectionistic", "paralysing" battle on the regular and can beat ourselves to an absolute pulp. It's a reminder that actually you can still pass if you get some lower marks and that is okay.

I've had to remind and constantly continue to remind myself that my value is not in getting A+'s, my value, passion and drive is in wanting to have more knowledge and skills so I can help others and allow some moving room within the industry I'm now proud to be working in. I will let that guide and lead me not the drive for A+ perfection bullshit which no matter how you want to truly look at it, it is a short or long drive to mental breakdown city. (Perfectionism & healthy striving are two very different things people!). 

It also means if life gets crappy there for while or something like my depression hits full force again and I have to slog through the deep swamplands, it allows for that while still getting the job done. As I go along on this journey I've started to tell myself it's okay for it to look however it's going to look... it doesn't have to follow the "typical expectation" of wammmbammm finished in 3 years it can be whatever it needs to be. Whatever works me at that point in time in my journey and well a part of me can't help but to feel proud that I'm even attempting a degree as I only went to school part time from when I was 10 years old and left at 16...funny how life can take us on rides we wouldn't ever think we would be on!.

With hope and love
Rainbow 🌈🌠💖

Wednesday, 6 February 2019

December & January Favourites
With hope and love
Rainbow 🌈🌠💖

Saturday, 19 January 2019

A Space for Mistakes, A Space to Grow

To be able to grow we must allow a space for mistakes. To grow is to make mistakes. It's a vulnerable process. 

For me I know I can often beat myself up when making any form of mistake or not "getting it right". It's a trigger for me which is related to perfectionism, shame, self esteem and self worth struggles that I'm still pulling apart to their cores, understanding, moving through, navigating and rebuilding.

To believe you can skate through growth without mistakes is not growth, it's an unrealistic and destructive expectation and unhealthy mindset. I've started to use the self talk below when I do make mistakes especially the first line:

"I am human and I make mistakes. On this journey of growth I will make mistakes and that's okay. I won't get everything right. I can learn from this experience. What am I learning?. I am human and I make mistakes and I'm here to grow."

A space for mistakes is also not about justifying ours or others shitty behaviours and/or allowing the same ones constantly in our lives. It is however about getting real and owning our mistakes. Acceptance for the imperfections of human kind and acknowledging it's another place that is a valuable learning opportunity that we can take.

We must allow space for mistakes, we must handle them with awareness, self reflection, compassion and empathy. We must have an environment that allows that space and an attitude of acknowledgement and the ability to move through and learn...that is what true growth and life looks like. 🌱💦🌻

With hope and love

Tuesday, 8 January 2019


2019... may you help us grow, may you help us meet authentic, interesting and kind souls with plenty of deep & fascinating conversations to be held, may you lead us on adventures and keep us safe in the wild land and deep waters. May you bless and enchant us in gorgeous awestruck nature and may you bring health, balance and joy. 

This year I'm taking a calculated leap and filling myself up with courage to return back to study as a full time student for my first year in a degree in Counselling. I will also be staying in my job that I love and am grateful for (however as a part timer). While I know many people study and work at the same time I know for me I need to ensure that I self reflect often through out this year, discuss with my supports and make changes where and if needed to make sure I'm manging and I am well. Reminder:...Everyone's different so make choices that are the best fit for you & it's okay if you don't get it right the first try-that message is for both you and I!.  

A lot of us love certainty and the safety within that- I'm no exception to that, though to grow is to risk the unknown, to navigate discomfort and the falls and to celebrate the wins and discover the wisdom & lessons that the journey holds.

Here we go, wishing you all the kinds of magic!...🌹🍃🌷🎢🌻🍃🌼

With hope and love
Rainbow 🍀🌈🌠💖🍀