Thursday, 10 October 2013

Choosing Recovery!

You don't chose to have an eating disorder, addiction or mental illness but you do chose recovery. No one is going to save you and your illness isn't going to magically disappear. Recovery is your choice and your road to walk on, others can guide and support you but only you can make and take action to be recovering. 

Recovery isn't going to come easy, your going to have to work for it daily.Your going to have to fight through every meal, through your fears, issues, withdrawals, do things you hate, relapses and spending a lot of time feeling like shit but ask yourself am I happy with my life now? What if I am worthy of recovery? Recovery also comes with self discovery, the feeling of achieving something you thought you couldn't and being able to live out your dreams which are such beautiful gifts of life that you deserve and are worthy of. What if I am beautiful?, What if I can achieve anything I want? What if I can live out my dreams?
There is always something that triggers wanting recovery it maybe an event, someone saying something or a realisation whatever it is, it is gold and that reason for wanting recovery should be kept close to your heart and you should remind yourself daily. It will let you be willing to put your mind and body on the line to try new things and push through all the hard times during your recovery. Someone once said to me I can always go back to my eating disorder if I wanted to. This is true I could give up the fight any time I wanted. Having someone tell me this helped me to fight through my recovery and made me feel safe to know if my worst nightmares came true I could fall back into the monsters arms but ultimately there only two ways out of an eating disorder or addiction... recovery or dieing. Both ways are terrifying and can leave you feeling lost, stuck,in a tug a war and not knowing how to get out.

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you've never done."

I love this quote because it is so true and something to apply in all aspects of your life. Recovery is scary and your going to have to want it, give it everything you have and more to push through your barriers, confront things you don't like know matter how painful it is and do things that you don't want to and have never done before to get through this and to live life you want. Let me tell you something though you don't go through all that pain and hatred for nothing because that light and gift will be waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. I don't know what your light and gift is but I know it is everything you dream and more so before you think about giving up think about that light and gift... what do you want it to be?  

It is important to remember you are never alone. You may feel like no one cares about you but trust me there are more people in this world that care about you than you know, for one I care about you :) Always hold on to the fact that there are people who care, are willing to help you and want to see you happy and healthy.

Recovery is worth it and always remember YOU are more than your eating disorder, addiction or mental health problem. You are a beautiful, talented and powerful human being that can achieve and be anything you want to be. 
Why I Chose recovery?
I chose recovery on the 22nd February 2011 after going to visit an inpatient treatment centre to see if this was something that was an option to help me to get better. I had been stuck for a long time, I wanted to go out and live but at the same time I couldn't eat and getting fat was the only thing that came to mind when recovery came up but at the same time I didn't want to die. I was lost and felt so fucked up mentally. After making the decision to not go to inpatient treatment I knew how much it was going to hurt my parents telling them that I wasn't going to go. I realised then that I couldn't hurt my parents anymore and that I was never going to be able to do the things I dreamt about such as being able to do exercise and get muscley, leaving my home town, going flatting and going vegetarian. I was also so sick of people telling me what I could and couldn't do so in a lot of ways I was ready to stick a middle finger in the air to everyone and go out and make a wonderful life for myself. I made a promise to myself then to fight and to eat every meal, to get better, be healthy and achieve my dreams. I knew if I was going to recover I wanted to do it in style, I didn't go through all I went through just to have an ordinary life, I was going to be all that I wanted to be, achieve and do everything I wanted from this life and so from then my journey of recovery started.

My Top 5 Things To Think About When Choosing Recovery!
  1. Something to fight for: Ask yourself what it is going to help me through this? What is something I want to fight for? It could include family, friends, partner, kids, dreams, goals etc.
  2. Treatment programmes: Your eating disorder, addiction or mental illness will scream and try and tell you what to do but really think what is going to help me to get better? This may mean having someone take over your food, meal support, going to a treatment centre, counselling etc
  3. Support: Your support people are going to help you through and it is so important to have a few honest, positive and understanding support people you check in regularly with. This can be anyone from parents, Dr's, counsellors and friends. Who are my support people? How could they help me? How often would I need to see them?
  4. Goals: Goal setting is going to help you in your recovery because it is a life long journey and breaking it down into small goals and knowing what you have to do to reach each step makes it easier What could my goals be? What do I want to achieve? It could be today I'm going to eat every meal, my first goal is to gain x amount of weight, I want to learn to love ... about myself etc. 
  5. Rewards: It is so important to celebrate your achievements and how far you've come. What would I want my rewards to be? Your rewards could include clothes, tattoos, piercings, going away for a weekend, doing some exercise etc.

Recovery is a choice and is possible, your life is more than your eating disorder, addiction or mental illness so declare war, never give up and fight for your dreams.
Love from the land of magic
Rainbow :) xoxo

No comments:

Post a Comment