Tuesday, 7 January 2014

The Story Behind Legally Changing My Name!


Welcome to the story behind my name change!

For those that do not know my birth name is Jenna. Now there is nothing wrong with this name but I personally never felt this was my name nor did I ever really like it (At no disrespect to my parents). To me it was a "hot and popular girls name" which I certainty did not feel like or was so my birth name automatically took on very negative feelings. I actually remember I wanted to be called Sabrina, Rachael, Britney or Kirsty growing up because to me they were "pretty names" hoping if one of those were my actual name that I would be and feel "pretty" so instead I would name my teddy bears these names. (Interesting how the worlds perception of beauty impacts you at such a young age). As time went on and life continued to bring more storms my birth name became a trademark and reminder of very dark places and self hatred.

When I was thinking about recovery I dreamt about moving away and changing my name... a way to let go of all the bad sh!t and start fresh. I knew If I chose recovery I wanted to do it in style! At the very start of my recovery I remember watching Portia De Rossi talk about her Anorexia and Bulimia on Oprah. She had changed her name before she became ill or famous but I loved why she changed it and the name she chose. I started thinking what if I could change my name? What would I want to change it to?...Then two months into my recovery I heard about Gala Darling's story, her struggle with Anorexia and that she once had a dream with the name Gala Lumiere Darling appearing in clouds, she woke up, wrote it down and a few months later changed her name to it which I thought was outrageously wicked! 

My mind started swirling with tons of ideas, I didn't want to change my name to an ordinary normal name, to me that was just weird. If I was going to change it, it was going to represent me and stand out! Ideas started flowing from my favourite movies Ferngully, Titanic, The Duchess Of Devonshire and TV shows such as Care Bears and Strawberry Shortcake. Crysta, Rose, Georgina, Cheer bear and berrykins all seemed to flow through my mind constantly but nothing really seemed to flow or fit besides something that had a very special meaning to me...

Rainbows! I had been having my hair dyed bright colours for about a year by my amazingly talented hairdresser at the time Katie (Hi Katie if you're reading!!! :D). She would call me her Rainbow Brite girl. I would also see a busker in the street often who would call me Rainbow girl and sing about my hair and clothes every time I saw him. Rainbow also had another very special meaning and connection to me... through the rain the sun shines to create all the beautiful colours...Through my Anorexia (My rain) I found my style (The sun) which was something that made me feel beautiful for the first time in my life and something that just felt right... like it's a part of my soul. Both of them combined created my growth and the person I am today (All the beautiful colours of the rainbow). Not to mention I was obsessed with anything Rainbow coloured! So it was definite Rainbow was going to be part of my name but Rainbow on it's own just seemed too normal to me.

During 2010 on my rampage of searching all things rainbow I discovered Rainbow Roses, They were just so beautiful and stunning, I fell in love with them, I also really liked that roses symbolised love and combined with the fact that one of the lead characters in Titanic is Rose who I adore, I decided Rainbow-Rose was going to be my first name. I would constantly be thinking of what my last name could be.... waterfall, butterfly, lily but nothing fit and just rolled like it should. Then one day I was reading something and blossom stood out I automatically looked up the definition... Blossom: To come into flower, To develop; flourish, (The freedictionary.com). Rainbow-Rose Blossom.... I LOVED it! It perfectly fit and the full meaning of my new name came together. Rainbow-Rose Blossom means growing into different colours of love which relates to, through each experience you grow and learn to be a better person which was exactly what I stood for and wanted to share. (You might of gathered by now that I think of things as masterpieces and like to have deep meaning behind them :p)
 
When I first told my parents that I was going to change my name they were quiet upset but I knew it was an essential part of moving through recovery. They still call me by birth name and don’t condone my changing of name but they do understand why I did it. I only waited 2 months to change my name because I knew that it was MY name and it felt so right, in fact I sent the form off 2 weeks after I turned 18 and within 2 weeks my name was changed! I was now Rainbow-Rose Blossom. My friends and the rest of my family didn’t really know how to take it and most of them still call me by my birth name. Even though I don’t like my birth name I do understand it is hard when you have known someone for a long time to call them something completely different.

Ultimately I knew I was moving cities within a couple of months of changing my name and was going to introduce myself as my new name. I was excited to be known as my new name but also nervous. It was a chance to embrace a brand new me and leave bad things behind me, embrace my beauty and to be me freely but I was also nervous to follow in the footsteps of my new name which meant big and positive things, but things that I was ready for. My name is me and it makes me so happy when I think of it, say it and hear it, it represents me and everything I stand for in every way possible. 

Changing your name is freeing, powerful and a gift. It is also very exciting and a scary to do but sometimes you just have to dive into the land of magic ;D
 
Check out some of my other posts:

Love from the land of magic
Rainbow-Rose Blossom :) xoxo

 

4 comments:

  1. WOW Rainbow, I don't really know you but I feel so proud of you. Without anorexia you may have never created this blog, it just goes to show that you need rain to make a rainbow and this rainbow is one of the brightest I have seen! I recently posted the Versatile Bloggers Award, I only did 10 nominees as well, I'm looking forward to reading all those posts! Have a lovely day Rainbow-Rose!

    Love Catherine
    smileycentral106.blogspot.co.nz

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    1. Awww that made my heart all warm and fuzzy and means so much to me Catherine! Thank you! <3 Wooho I'm going to go read it now! :D Hehe thank you, hope you're having a lovely day too Catherine! :)

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  2. Interesting story! I'm glad you were able to do this because it clearly meant so much to you. I've had some struggles with an ED in the past too. I have yet to be super public about it, though it's certainly not a secret either. Hope you're doing well with all of that! XO
    -Lauren Blair
    www.prefertobedemure.com

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    1. Naww hugs and love! I still have my ups and downs but don't we all! We are all Superwomen! <3 xoxo

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