Monday, 4 May 2015

Strength From The Past!

Photo credit: Laura Martin
 
I'm a huge advocate for writing a letter to yourself as a child giving yourself all the advice you would need growing up, I have mentioned doing this a few times in past posts as it is truly healing, epiphany making and powerful but it can also be very painful. The other day I found my letter... I wrote it 4 years ago not long before my 18th birthday and hadn't read it since. I knew at the time it was extremely healing, magical and powerful but I never knew the strength, beauty and courage it would give me in the future.

I was upset and feeling down last week and decided to clean my room out, I found my old diaries and started reading them... then I came across my letter... I was curious at what I had written to my child self when I was 17?... Tears started flowing at the advice I gave to myself it was truly beautiful, eye opening, courageous and strong. I realised in that moment how far I've come, how much strength I have and how bad ass and gorgeous the girl who wrote it was... is... where had she gone? I've been feeling like a part of me has been fading recently, It made me smile through the tears and one of the most perfect reminders to get back up and to keep moving forward... through pain comes the most beautiful things.

Here are some highlights I would like to share from my letter, I hope it brings you strength, courage and bravery in some form as it has done for me. I also hope it inspires you and gives you ideas to write your own letter if you haven't yet.

"To a young and beautiful girl,

Your not like any other girl and that's a beautiful thing and your going to experience things in the future that will blossom you into a rainbow rose but don't let these experiences break you and always believe you are beautiful.

Cherish and make the most of your primary school years run, run, run as much as you can... enjoy it, play outside, enjoy doing archery, bike riding and rock climbing, do those things as much as you want. Be happy and free, learn, soak in the sun, enjoy camping, be a kid as much as you can be because your going to experience something when you're 9 that's going to take that all away from you, so for now be a happy kid and have fun.

Fight for who you are and don't let people tell you can't do something, don't feel ashamed of who you are, you deserve love not because you're sick but because you are a beautiful girl. Growing up people will judge, girls can be bitchy and boys will judge on looks and what you're willing to do. At the end of the day everyone has flaws, we just have to embrace them, joke about them and accept them. Be you!

You don't want to be normal and that is such a strong and wonderful thing to feel and to be, don't let that feeling go. Being different, bold and crazy is you, you'll know what I mean when you hit fashion, hair and piercings! Embrace and hold onto it because this is a beautiful and powerful thing to find that you're truly meant to be different, to teach others it's FUCKING AWESOME to be who you are and if that's out there and different and to be as crazy and feisty as who you are then let them know to express themselves and not hide behind a social standard of "normalcy".

I suggest in the year 2008 to run as far away as possible... to another country perhaps? Consider it please?!?! This year is complete SHIT and all you want to do is run. Stay strong, fight and seriously consider the another country thing... far, far away PPPLLLEEEAAASSSE! 

Everything you feel and have gone through over the years forms into two Dementors called Demetri and Pocessa or medically known as Anorexia in late 2008. In some ways I feel there's a reason you go through this but I don't want you to go through all this pain but you're strong and will blossom into a rainbow rose full of colour and love which will be when you truly feel like you. When you come through the pain you'll know how beautiful love can be and is. You are strong enough to fight, you're beautiful... so beautiful, you'll win the fight against this and like I said blossom into that rainbow rose full of colour and love.

My favourite part of my letter, the line at the end... P.S: Tell people to fuck off when their asking you to not be you and this will come in different ways." NOW THAT IS MY GIRL!

I'm going to write another letter to myself giving myself advice for the last four years and hope years from now it gives me the same magic it gave me from reading my 1st letter. I highly encourage you to write your letter to your childhood self or a new letter for the past few years of your life you never know what healing it could give you today and the strength it may give you in the future!

With love
Rainbow :) xoxo

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