Wednesday, 6 April 2016

The Reality Slap

We will all get slapped by the reality of life at some point (The Hardships) some of us may face them more when we're younger while others will face them more when they're older and some people just face them more than others however the longer we live the more likely we are to experience them, no one is exempt from the hardships of life.

The gap that hardships leave (pain, anger, resentment, despair) or as Dr Russ Harris calls it "the big gap between the reality of what we've got and the reality that we want" can sometimes be closed quickly and are easier for us to deal with when they can, however the bigger the slap usually equals the bigger the gap which also often equals the less likely we have the right skills to cope. Sometimes the gaps can take a long time to close and well sometimes they can never be closed for example Dr Russ Harris's son being diagnosed with Autism. So how do we do find inner happiness when it will take a long time to close the gap and if the gap can't be closed then what?.

Dr Russ Harris talks very in-depth about a four step approach which can be applied to each situation:

Self Compassion:
The last thing we often do especially in times of pain and struggle is being compassionate with ourselves in which our minds will often conjure up our inner self critic faster than any Ferrari this world has ever seen. The act of self compassion is vital in times of struggle and learning how to deal with our thoughts and feelings is important so they have less power over us. The techniques for this is talked about in depth in this book and also in The Happiness Trap.

Ground Ourselves:
While emotional turmoil can fiercely chew away at our souls by doing what Dr Russ Harris calls "dropping the anchor" (accepting where we are and our pain) we can ground ourselves so we can then take necessary action. It doesn't stop the hardship and pain but instead grounds us until it passes or even if it doesn't. 

Living With Purpose:
We have the choice to live with purpose by choosing what we want to stand for in times of adversity, while we can't change what happened, we can choose what we want to live by and for.

Finding Beauty:
Even in the middle of tremendous hardship life still has beauty to appreciate, it's important to acknowledge and feel our pain AND also find the beauty of what is around us.

By now I know your inner Ginger Ninja of Ed Sheeran is clearly just fantasizing about singing to Dr Russ Harris "And Darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70 and baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23"... clearly my love affair for Dr Russ Harris is still going strong #TotallyGotACrushOnAMarriedMan.

Waaaaboom another great book by Dr Russ Harris filled with epiphanies, knowledge, wisdom and techniques beyond what you have just read to help you through the slaps of life and the gaps that seemingly follow.

With magic from me to you
Rainbow :) xoxo