Monday, 26 September 2016

Saving Yourself...


6 years ago I wrote "Someone Pretty, Skinny and Never Me"...

"That guy that I like will always go for other girls, the pretty skinny ones, never me. Why can't I find someone? Why don't they go for me? I'm just too fat and ugly aren't I?!?!. There's something wrong with me, why isn't he interested in me? I'm just not good enough!"

This is hard to read and to share because it shows how worthless I felt, how lost I was and a part of how much I hated myself. 

I thought if I had a boyfriend I would finally be good enough, I would be worthy, it would make everything better or that if a guy loved me then It could show me how to love myself, I wanted a guy to hold my hand, to lead the way/teach me and help me through the darkness in my life so I didn't have to walk that pitch black place by myself, in which I didn't even know how the hell I could possibly ever get out of... let alone doing it by myself... I wanted a guy to save me.

No guy ever came to save me and well this one time I went out with a guy for 3 weeks... LOL XD (Can't really call that going out but you know) it made the voices in my head worse... "I had to eat less otherwise he would breakup with me for not being good enough, too fat, too ugly", when he did "break up" with me it confirmed exactly that and I proceeded to destroy myself over it. Let's just say Anorexia and self hatred are bitches with hella cruel games.

I saved myself and I continue to this day to do so. I saved myself through going after my dreams, through the self love lists and movement that Gala Darling has created, through therapy, through my training and the personal trainers that have helped me along the way, through my supportive parents and people that I've meet along the way, through helping and inspiring others and through making that choice to save myself over and over again. I created myself and I'm glad that no guy ever came to save me... It's been a hard, painful and long road and honestly it still is but it has given me strength, wisdom and lessons that I'm so proud to call my own... It's given me the gift of me and life.

Please know you have the power within you, around you and out in the world to save yourself no matter how impossible and out of reach you may think that is, your worth can be found within, in healthy outlets and healing places, it takes time... a lot of time, there are a lot ups and downs, steps forward and steps back but there is a hero always within waiting to break free and to help you find your way.   

With magic from me to you
Rainbow :) xoxo

7 comments:

  1. I'm so proud of you for sharing & happy that you can see your beauty and worthiness <3

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  2. LOVE this post so much, you are so strong rainbow :) Your posts continue to inspire me and others who read them!
    x Kenzie // Kenzieblogslife.blogspot.com

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  3. I'm so proud of you for sharing this. You're forever going to be an inspiration for me. And I'm so glad to hear how far you've come from being in that dark place xxx

    http://izzyk1998.blogspot.co.uk/
    http://izzykreviews.blogspot.co.uk/

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  4. This was beautiful to read, Rainbow! It's so wonderful to see how far you've come and the challenges you overcame. You continue to inspire! Cheers, girl! :)

    -Lor
    acozyspace.org

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  5. Oh, Rainbow, I'm so pround of you and I'm so happy that you decided to share that post, in my opinion it can help others, who struggle with the beginning of the way, which calls: "saving myself" - as you have said here - it's long way, it takes a lot of time, but it's worth! You're truly inspiration, dear :)

    http://crafty-zone.blogspot.com/

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  6. It's so sad to hear you used to feel that way , I remember feeling like that but it i so inspiring to hear how far you've come because the step to become happy with yourself :) I am so proud of you and you are the most beautiful woman and I wouldn't be who i am without your blog so thank you :)

    lots of love, Marianne xxx

    http://myhappybubblexx.blogspot.co.uk/

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  7. Oh Rainbow, it breaks my heart to hear what you wrote about yourself. You've come such a long way and I am so damn proud of you every day for who you are and what you are doing for others. You constantly inspire me, when I need a little pick me up I know that I can always come here and your posts just work their miracles. Love you! XO -Kim

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