Wednesday, 12 December 2018

2018 Reflection

Well 2018... I found myself plodding away step by step for the first half of the year completing the last half of my course. This last half of my course became a bit messy due to reasons outside of my control but I found it manageable and I passed πŸŽ‰. The prospect of the 2nd half of the year from the beginning of 2018 scared me- it was filled with uncertainty and the fear of going through the painful process of applying for jobs once again, the financial struggle of that situation and the impact that all of that takes/triggers on my mental health -I can honestly say that has scarred me after my experience in the last fair few years with all of that πŸ˜‚πŸ˜•. I did end up for a (shortish) period of time facing this again and felt like I was plunged back into the depths of darkness.

However as it turns out this year has held a piece of ⭐magic⭐ for me in which I'm grateful for and proud of myself to now be doing something I've wanted to do for so long as my paid job-helping, inspiring, educating and supporting others on their journeys within mental health and recovery. I feel like it's my field & a role for me -several years ago and as recently as mid year I felt there wasn't a single job out there I would love and be good at, be accepted into or be able to get for a varied of reasons. Before starting I had so much anxiety and self doubt that was on the crippling side which wanted to keep me in the dark. Self talk like 'One step/day at a time', 'Dress up and show up' and 'Try and see how it goes' has helped me along with speaking up about my anxiety to people who are understanding (vs holding it in, it destroying me internally and holding me back) and also having really supportive and encouraging people/environment. I feel I have lots more to learn, heaps of room to improve and growth within this field. Through this year I found a sense of new hope. Hope felt like it was completely lost, gone and wouldn't be found again a couple of years ago for what felt like a long while but hope has found it's way back to me-there's new hope and also the reinvented kind of hope. 

I've been reminded through out the last year and recently that self care/love is as important as ever and that it is always a practice and never a perfect. We also can not truly ever run away from our own healing -(That's if we wish as Brene Brown describes to live wholeheartedly) it's an ongoing journey and sometimes we have to go around on that merry go round ride a bizzillion times before we find the motivation, courage, bravery and understanding to take steps towards something different. As I heard a wonderful person say sometimes we have to reach a "Not This" before we are able to find the courage and ability to reach out and make changes. 

I've really appreciated nature🌷 and animals this year... the simplicity of a sunny day, seeing the gradient of blue as the sun is about to rise and the rest of the pretty colours that it brings. The purple, reddy pink and yellow/orange of the sunset, saying goodbye to the gorgeous wee ginger cat Piper (she moved to the UK) who occupied my place of residence and then trying to steal my neighbours cat Cotton...(shhhh) as a result🐾🐾. Both rather talkative cats by the way!, which I adore. The bunny that appeared to be hopping around ours and the neighbouring houses for awhile. The sound of birds. Petals. The lawn filled with daisies and buttercups. The intriguingness of clouds and the vivid, wonder, array and depth of colours flowers hold and that nature produces. 

A simple life is not a bad life. 

With hope and love
Rainbow πŸŒˆπŸŒ πŸ’– 

P.S: Don't forget your self care these holidays! 😘. 

Sunday, 2 December 2018

October & November Favourites

With hope and love
Rainbow πŸŒ·πŸŒˆπŸŒ πŸ’–πŸŒ·

Saturday, 3 November 2018

Candy Clouds

πŸ’—πŸŒ₯️πŸ’™Up in candy clouds, listening to lullaby sounds, peacefully watching the carousel go round. Floating and flying so high in crystal clear blue skies while unicorn kitties play go hide amongst the pink and blue fluff and puff leaving behind mystical trails for humans to find. Never mind the expectations of below for one’s true self cannot be measured or bought up here or for a matter of fact down there no matter what they try to enforce, it’s all a monetary and power game of course. For worth is not earned or made less or more.... it simply exists because we do so we can tell ‘em all to get fucked while showing every single damn colour of our luck, cultivating awestruck and refusing to be shoved into a toxic small minded square box!. Oh and dare I say just ask the glowing golden fairy elves themselves what they’ve come to know for sure, how and why so? and they’ll chant authenticity, diversity and inclusivity is what really counts as chasing the lies you’ve been sold down below will only dig your soul into a hole not make you whole... for belonging comes from within not from trying to fit in!. Up in candy clouds where we’re all giggling and rolling to town hysterically, awkwardly and imperfectly, wild and free, owning and honing in our inner and outer freaks and geeks and being individually unique- yet treated with equity and equality and BOOM we’re all rocking some badass mentalities. It’s quite the affair must I say up here in the candy cloud land fare with its own eccentric flare with musical chairs and dares, hand claps, black jacks, potato sacks, tic toe tac, mouse trap, piggy back, tag, capture the flag, hopscotch and many more party games that are top notch playing out under scorching rays and above rainy days in which some instead choose to read books of poetry from another century full of intensity and mystery and others that are into fairy tales that have forest trails, nightingales and stories of betrayals and prevails. Along with each and every one of us being dressed to express with a whimsical finesse that will never rest and has assured to manifest all sorts of majestical quests that have lead us to the ultimate kind of being blessed. As you might of guessed the souls in this sphere that they call air are incredibly young and have never grown up yet are so old and have lived a fair few lifetimes or so... my gosh how that’s all I’ve ever known, who I am and exactly where I want to be...up in candy clouds, listening to lullaby sounds, floating and flying so high in crystal clear blue skies, wind running through my hair and imaginary friends everywhere living for adventure in just what’s up and in here. πŸ’™πŸŒ₯️πŸ’— With hope and love Rainbow πŸŒˆπŸŒ πŸ’–

Wednesday, 24 October 2018

The Spoon Theory

The other week a beautiful and lovely person explained "The Spoon Theory" to me and I thought it was fantastic and needed to be shared here...

➤Ask yourself how many spoons do you get in a day? (For the purpose of this piece here we all get 12 spoons every single day. 
➤What's the first thing you do in the day? (Actual first thing... getting out of bed? πŸ˜‰, then what? breakfast, shower, get dressed and organised?)… well for example your morning routine takes 2-3 spoons on a good day.
➤Work/study/school takes about 7 spoons on a good day.
➤Now that means after all of that we only have about 2-3 spoons left and we have to prioritise how we use those spoons. Certain activities we may not be able to do as they take too many spoons and we don't have enough left.

➤Physical/mental illness and/or stressful life events etc. means that it takes more spoons to do things. Instead of the 2-3 spoons it usually takes for your morning routine it may now take 4-6 spoons. This means again we have to prioritise our spoons.
➤Certain activities may take spoons like exercise in terms of physical energy but have a pay back of spoons in mental/spiritual energy.
➤Certain people and conversations may give you spoons in emotional energy and others may take spoons.
➤You can borrow spoons from the future aka the next day aka exert yourself however this can result in not having enough spoons for the next day. 
➤Learning about and applying spoon theory can give you greater awareness of what gives and takes energy from you, how you want to prioritise your spoons, where to set your boundaries and when self care is in deep order aka your spoons are in the dishwasher.
➤Explaining and applying spoon theory to your inner networks can help to have a deeper understanding of how everyone is going, if support is needed and to communicate in an easy to understand way when we or the people around us are drained and in need of self care or are currently prioritising our spoons aka when you want to pass on an event/catch up but don't know how to communicate it without feeling like your offending/letting people down.

This actually all came up due to being asked about my weekend at the time and talking about how I went on a day trip with flatmates and a couple of their friends. While I enjoyed it, about halfway through my social battery died (fellow introverts...I know you know this all too well!) and also a few triggers started coming up. Between both of those things I just wanted to go home or away from the world, curl up, cry if need be and be left alone to rejuvenate and work through the inner turmoil in my head. Such situations is when I can get rather anxious, quiet and/or snappy/shitty at others. I ended up just walking to the entrance to the beach, bought a peppermint tea, sat on a rock and dipped my feet in the water and spent some time hanging out by myself and people watching.

It however can be hard to explain to others who don't really have an awareness or depth of understanding of how introverts and/or triggers work. I do try to explain at times that us introverts get energy from being alone and from doing solitude like activities such as reading, writing, listening to music, art, being with animals etc., that we need a certain level of socialness (one on ones, close small amount of friendships (I often become more extroverted in my living environment) and that too much socialness and being around too many people drains us of energy aka those spoons are gone!) and ends up making us sad. I think this can still be a hard concept for some more extroverted kinds to understand, probably how we as introverts struggle to understand how they need to constantly spend time socialising to feel energised and happy πŸ˜–πŸ€’πŸ˜‚. Though "Spoon Theory" as I noted further above is an easier way to explain and use among peer groups, family/friends and in the case of varying reasons like physical or mental illness.

Spoon theory was created by Christine Miserandino in relation to explaining to a friend what having the autoimmune disease Lupus is like.

With hope and love
Rainbow πŸŒˆπŸŒ πŸ’–

P.S: Operation steal neighbours cat underway...
#HisnamesCotton 🌼🐾🐾🌼 #Hegivesmelotsofspoons πŸ₯„πŸ₯„πŸ₯„

Sunday, 14 October 2018

Mental Health Awareness Week NZ Day 7

"Each person with mental health and addiction experiences needs to define for themselves what living well means. The definition of recovery is purposefully broad, because the experience of recovery is different for everyone."
-Let's Get Real: Working With Service Users
Te Pou o te Whakaaro Nui

With hope and love
Rainbow πŸ’›πŸ’™πŸ’›πŸ’™

Saturday, 13 October 2018

Friday, 12 October 2018

Mental Health Awareness Week NZ Day 5

The Self Harm Cycle: 
➡️Emotional suffering
➡️Emotional overload
➡️Temporary relief 

Mental Health Foundation UK: The Truth About Self Harm

With hope and love
Rainbow ❤πŸ’š❤πŸ’š

Thursday, 11 October 2018

Wednesday, 10 October 2018

Mental Health Awareness Week NZ Day 3

❣️Self esteem/worth
❣️Control- Feeling like food/weight is the only thing a person can control when life feels out of control, the disease of anorexia takes over & ends up controlling the person. 
❣️Safety mechanism- An oxymoron but protection from the outside world.
❣️Coping mechanism
❣️Self blame
❣️Self punishment
❣️Self hate
❣️Self destruction
❣️Becoming high
❣️Survival mechanism
❣️Chromosome 12 
❣️A MENTAL ILLNESS with physical symptoms 
❣️Is not simply fixed by "just eating and gaining weight"
❣️Has the highest death rate out of all mental illnesses
❣️Not a choice 

With hope and love
Rainbow πŸ’—πŸ§‘πŸ’—πŸ§‘

Saturday, 6 October 2018

September Favourites

With hope and love
Rainbow πŸŒˆπŸŒ πŸ’–

Sunday, 30 September 2018

From The Therapy Sofa

Recently I went back and had a check in with my therapist and yes if you've been thinking about having a check in or feel like you need to here's a reminder πŸ˜‰ even if it's a support worker, peer support, life coach etc. whatever works for you... do it... stop putting it off like I know you are... (gosh how my younger hate therapy self finds all of this far too hilarious... not sure whether to laugh or cry πŸ˜‚). During my session a topic of conversation came up that flowed into my therapist talking about the "winners and drama triangle". Now I can't explain her fantastic analogy in the direct and precise way she did with me however in the scenario she presented it to me with was there was two parents and a young kid and an argument around not having made lunch for school erupts between them... she noted the dialogue that often happens with them all when such arguments take place...ultimately it was to show how we all in some way or another move around all aspects of the "drama triangle" which is an ineffective way of communicating and being however we can recognise this and transition into the "winners triangle" in which we all move through different points of this too. She also related this to me in the way of the self harm cycle... critical/blaming → powerless/hopeless/stuck →pain reliever...and also for such cycles as emotional eating (she works with people with various types of eating disorders, disordered eating & food issues). She also related this to me in being able to recognise when others are on certain points on the triangles as for example being able to recognise when someone is being the "prosecutor" and to not take on that person's issues. This is not to say about someone "I'm better than you" or putting them down but to instead to be able to identify when certain responses to situations is actually about them and their issues and to be able to not take on their baggage and/or to self blame and prosecute ourselves. As well as being able to explore what are reasonable responses in such situations and responding in ways that aligns with the "winners triangle" whether or not the other person(s) are on the same triangle as us at that point in time.  

With hope and love
Rainbow πŸŒˆπŸŒ πŸ’–

Sunday, 16 September 2018

August Favourites
With hope and love
Rainbow πŸŒˆπŸŒ πŸ’–