Saturday, 25 August 2018

The Secrets You Keep

The secrets you keep can feel like they keep you safe inside from the world out there. They teach you to survive yet in the same breathe pull and push you to die in a tug a war of devils dressed as angels and angels as devils, with skipping ropes and sarcastic jokes, for your secrets are unspeakable they yell you mustn't tell or you'll reap the torturous repercussions of it and them but here deep within they light a fire to keep and embrace you in warmth holding hands, singing chants, making friends, playing games and whispering seductively in your ear until goose bumps appear and you're intoxicated with their love. Helping you to be high, to numb, to escape, to self blame, to inflict and punish what you believe you deserve- the hate that you love and the love you've come to hate. What irony to be surrounded by such warmth while suffocating in such coldness. 

The secrets you keep, keep you sick and suffering in shame and silence. They keep you running away from the feelings, memories and trauma you're trying to avoid feeling, confronting and healing and often don't even know how to begin to or a too painful to even want to. They keep you in self destructiveness and self hate. It wasn't your fault such things happened to you, you were young and didn't understand it or why it happened in the first place? and no one taught you how to deal or maybe it all just got too much. The secrets you keep have helped you to survive at one point or another when you didn't have the ability or tools to do so in other ways but the secrets you have held onto for so long and the secrets you still keep need to be told. To the right people of course- those who can provide support, help and be trusted so you can grow and be set free from the devil angel merry go round and their skipping ropes and cruel jokes. It's a process that takes lots of time, little by little as letting go of what has taught you to survive isn't a simple or all or nothing process however it can and does get better.

Knowing that the secrets you keep, keep you sick aka "safe" can keep you that way though that safe is often a false sense of safe yet feels and seems like very real safety and perhaps sometimes it is and has been... though there is also very real safety in knowing that the secrets you keep, keep you sick and to break free you must speak them to those who can help and be trusted.

With hope and love
Rainbow ❤๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’œ